My mother, Karen wanted me to share with you another example of Ron’s strong faith and insight into his lacking fear of dying.
As many know the past two years had been really rough on my parents. The back surgery to help straighten his back and delay the advancement of his many symptoms went quite badly wrong to say the least. Despite the incredible amount of set-backs, Ron continued to rally time and time again and as such has left an indelible impression on his many doctors and therapists.
I must pause to give credit to my mother who lovingly and tirelessly cared for Ron over this course. Watching her care for him will remain as one of the most beautiful selfless acts I will ever witness. I believe this no doubt kept his spirits and determination to improve going. Neither wanted to be without the other. I’ve joked with my mom that I knew she’d be on top of him with paddles till the end! Funnily enough… she’d priced them up!
The worst thing you could say to my mom was, “You should let him go…” In those who may have uttered such defense, from appearances it did indeed look a mess and the odds of getting back to any kind of “normal” remote. AND yet… while Ron did indeed not fear dying he had a pretty strong will to live and love of life.
Case and point… DR PEPPER. There is a funny story that happened just a few weeks back. Ron’s recent tracheotomy meant he was restricted on taking liquids and food by mouth and this left the man thirsty something awful! Can you imagine not being able to quench your thirst… torture, but Karen was serious about keeping pneumonia out of the picture. So powerful was his thirst that he “persuaded” my mom into running an errand to pick up one of his favorite soups… something he was allowed to eat hence the trouble and a good 1.5 hour round trip.
Ron figured he had bought himself some time and set course in his power wheel chair, armed with those pincher poles for the disabled to reach things on high shelves. Long story short when she returned she was amazed to find him at the refrigerator with the door ajar trying to erase any evidence of his adventures. Apparently, in the course of retrieving Dr. Pepper from the fridge he spilled something. Ron had actually nearly pulled it off though.. he’d managed to ferry a few beverages to a hiding spot before getting busted! So you see… while things “looked” bad he still hadn’t given up living.
It was an unfortunate accident that ultimately caused Ron’s death and is why this particular poem of Ron’s is mentioned here. The last conscious conversation Ron had with the surgeon in the emergency room expressed the very serious situation at hand… they were discussing possible surgery to save his life and the odds were not good. Ron said, “I’m not afraid…” and it caused the Dr. to pause… and he continued, “I’m not afraid of death..” And he proceeded to recite his poem, Riding Double With Jesus.
RIDING DOUBLE WITH JESUS
I wrote this for Ron because while I know he is beyond joyous we are all left here without him…I’m so thankful to have known him-
Death of a Saint
Faith, the great plum-line that separates confidence from doubt, that calls us to endure unexplainable suffering and still present forbearance. Faith just like relationships are always a choice and to chose them is to chose Love and growth. Choosing judgment, hate and revenge destroys us on every level. Still there are so many things I question. I get mad at God. Independent of the fact that life is short, we are spiritual beings created in God’s image and that image is Love and real Love cannot comprehend the suffering and cruelty that infiltrates existence that God simultaneously allows…the ultimate circular confusion that humankind can never be rid of until death.
One of my best friends just died in my arms. One of my best friends who was never angry at God despite physical ailments that would make the strongest man weak. I was alone with him at UCSD Medical Center. He was lying in the hospital bed in medical intensive care and his life stopped. His passing from this world of pain to eternity was seamless. I have been with a few dying friends and relatives and those experiences comprise a myriad of expressions including suffering, fear, panic and peace. I had my arm around him and was speaking into his “good” ear when he just let go. He had an assortment of serious physical problems but his death was unexpected. His death was the caused by a needless accident causing me to ask God why he had to take this particular man out of the realm of human experience, just now.
He was handsome, connected, funny, others centered, a creative renaissance man(a writer) who gave the overused term “not of this world” concrete meaning. He was always ready for death and didn’t entertain thoughts of self-pity. He was only worried about the love of his life, his wife, one of my best friends, Karen.
He was so attractive I wanted to clone him for myself and all of my single friends and it wasn’t just because of his good looks and his smile. It was his pure heart, lack of ego and willingness to play, all based on his strong permeating faith that ran through him his entire life.
I called his wife when his death was validated and told her he had gone home to Jesus.
His youngest daughter, a beautiful FBI agent was angry at him for not passing in her presence. She loved him so much and was fiercely loyal and supportive.
One of my favorite lines is from one of my favorite books “The Count of Monte Cristo.” When a man of faith does something questionable and the Count says “I thought you were a priest?” The wise man answers “I’m a priest not a saint.”
My friend Ron was a saint and I was honored to hold him as he fought the good fight and won the ultimate race and now all of his questions are answered. We cry and miss him, but he is safe. I rejoice thinking about the day we will all be together in Paradise, which to Ron is Karen and Hawaii.